Pity Party

Sorry... but I just have to get things out of my head, and typing is usually the best way for me.

I'm starting to realize how very few friends I have, and it stinks!  I'm starting to realize that I have NO life.  I work, I dance (which is about to also be a job), and I come home.  Some days I'm lucky enough to throw in a movie or dinner with Brandon, but that's not too often.  Which I'm starting to get tired of just dinner and a movie.  This stupid town needs something to do besides going to a bar!!!  It's really not helpful when you have people giving up alcohol, and that's the only thing to do around here at night.  Yea - no wonder so many people are alcoholics!  :-/

I still have appearance issues, but I just don't know what to do.  Eating healthy is typically more expensive which means, hard for me to do.  Working out is great, but gets boring when you do it alone or when you just aren't sure what else you can do.  I just wish I could accept how I look, but I just can't.  I've gained weight back, and it's driving me crazy!  I want to be thin!  I want to like what I see in the mirror!

Oh how I want a baby!  I want a family.  It's so hard when you can't get pregnant.  It's so hard when everyone around you are having babies.  It would just be nice to for once feel like something was right in my life or actually just working out.  Sometimes I think I want to just get another kitten or puppy, but then I remember how much the ones I do have drive me crazy sometimes.

It would just be nice for a day or a week or whatever to seem to go right.

Oh - and last thing... it really stinks that I never really celebrated my 30th birthday!  I have so many friends doing fun things or having friends throw them parties... I had none of that!  I will say I was thankful that a friend of mine took me out to eat and my parents did as well, but seriously!  Everyone said I should do something fun and exciting; yet, they didn't plan anything.  I'm sorry, but I don't think I should plan my own dang party!!