That Something Missing

The past few weeks I have felt like something was just missing.  I LOVE my job!  Although stressful at times, it's amazing.  I have learned so much as a person through this experience.  I LOVE my husband!  He really is the best!  Our marriage just keeps getting better and better which I love.

I think I figured it out last night though... a BABY!  Yea, I'm getting very ready to start getting ready for a baby.  I know there are several things I need to do myself to prepare, and no one is ever truly ready, but I'm ready for that step in my life.  Who knows when it will actually happen, but I'll be happy when it does!  :)

Saturday

It's been since the beginning of October that I had a Saturday off from work, and that day, it was not an off day.  Today was a day off, and I have loved it!  It has been a day spent with my mom, and just relaxing.  Of course, I've been thinking about work, but that's normal.  However, I didn't ever go up to the store.  WOW!  :)

The day was spent shopping, eating, relaxing, sewing, and just doing whatever I want.  It has been amazing!!!  I'm grateful for this day, and I'm grateful that I got to spend time with my mom and dad.  They are wonderful people, and I always have fun with them.

But I have to say, it all started with me being able to spend just a little bit of time with my husband last night.  We don't get to see each other a whole lot, but after I got home from a Scentsy party and him from work, we went to Chili's to eat.  It was great!

Now, to just get my back to stop hurting and everything will be perfect!  Well, along with my house getting cleaned.  :)

Running

My brain that is.  I am not running, even though I probably should start working out.  My body could use it, in so many ways!!

My brain never wants to shut off anymore, and that's getting a little frustrating.  There are so many thoughts, and not all of them are ones that I can share.  Some deal with work, and are just things that I have to deal with.  Others are personal and just an everlasting battle.  Then the rest deal with life itself.

What do you do to just slow down?  How do you manage the stress and ever growing list of things to do?

I used to be so good at it, or at least I felt I was, and now, I think I'm just getting burned out.  I want a vacation away from everything like a secluded beach with nothing to worry about, no watch to wear and a good drink in my hand.

It's almost 2am, and I'm just not sure when I will be able to get to sleep.  I'm not really tired, but I believe I fell asleep for a little while on the couch after I watched Food Network - The Next Iron Chef.  :)  I am finally washing some clothes, but have many more to wash.  The pile was getting too high, and the availability of items to wear was getting to small.  Yea, I make a horrible housewife as this house is a wreck!  I even forgot to feed my animals until it was 1am.  Oops!  I'm probably going to be the worst mom ever when that day comes!

Oh my brain!  If you have any good tips on slowing down, let me know.  And no, there's nothing for me to cut out at this moment.  LOL!

Will I Ever Change?

It seems like I always look the same.  I may get a slight tan; I might change my hair color.  I gain weight, lose weight.  But in the end, I still look the exact same.  I never liked how I looked before so it's hard to like how I look now.  I know it's probably something I blog a lot about, but it's something real for me.  I really don't like what I see in the mirror.  It would just be nice to change... for the better of course.  :)

Question

I don't question about my job... no career.  I did that once and almost didn't get it back.  I know I'm doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now, and I love it!  It's not always easy, and yea, it can be very stressful.  But I love it so much!  I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

I don't question who I'm married too... already did that.  Brandon is the one for me, and I know we make a perfect match.  We are not perfect, and the marriage is not perfect, but us together is perfect.  I love him so much, and it seems like I love him more the less I see him.  LOL!  Maybe we just appreciate the time together more now that it is rare.  (Never easy being married to a General Manager for Pizza Hut when you are also a Store Manager for a clothing store.)

I do question where we live, but that, in time, will change.  We both want out of Nacogdoches, and I know it will happen one day.  It's just going to take some time.

I do question the Church.  I question different things in life that deal with it.  I don't question Jesus Christ or Heavenly Father.  I know they are real without a doubt, and love me so very much!  I question if it is where I am supposed to be.  That's hard for me as I never used to question it.  It was always something so important to me.  However, that's not the case anymore.  I don't miss going when I can't go.  I love attending Lufkin Ward when I can go (thank you President Wagley for permission to attend there!).  I love talking about the gospel and religious subjects.  I love going into the scriptures.  But there are things that I'm just not 100% sure about anymore as I see all those around me that I love who love the same things as I do without all the Church "rules" behind it.  It's good to ask questions and seek for more understanding, but this is getting ridiculous!

Am I a Christian?

Within this past week, many individuals have been upset by statements of "Mormons are not Christians."  I did not see this news interview, but I'm pretty sure I understand the situation as they are comments that have been made for years.

Here is my response...

To be a Christian is something that you don't go around shouting from the rooftops or wear a big sign that says "I'm a Christian."  To be a Christian, a follower of Christ, is to live your life in such a manner that there are no questions.  You serve others and love them for who they are, even if you don't agree with what they do.  You serve your family.  You serve yourself, and not in a selfish way.  You serve yourself by taking care of your body, your mind, and your well-being.

I am a Latter-day Saint, and that means more to me personally than it would to anyone else.  I am not perfect in any way, and I know that I don't always live my life in such a way that is always representing the Church.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  However, that does not mean that I do not try my hardest to live a Christ-like life.  I know who is most important, and that is Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.

To me, it does not matter what you believe or how you live your life.  It matters that you live whatever it is you believe at the best of your abilities and recognize that there is someone far greater than you who loves you and guides you when you allow that individual to do so.  For me, I pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ.  I know that for me, I have to go through Christ in order to return home.

The best response is not to be upset by the statements made, but to live your life as to where those that know you know what you stand for and who you are.  This life is hard enough without adding more to it. 

Life is Good

Life is good.  It doesn't always make sense.  Really, I'm not sure if it ever makes sense, but I know it's good and I enjoy it.  I work way too much, and I get to see my husband way too little.  My house is a wreck in so many different ways.  Laundry, clean and dirty, is piled up way too high.  The stress, the headaches, and the illness that's trying to come up and I know it will the moment I slow down.  The crazy animals that demand much of my attention.  My brain never shuts off, and is constantly creating lists and thoughts and ideas.  The desire to shop, or at least get a new outfit, is certainly calling my name.  It allows helps me be happy and feel pretty.  The ever growing numbers on the scale or the tightness of the pants/shirts never helps me feel pretty or be happy.

Life is crazy in every way possible, but it is good!  I know things are working out for the best, and I know they will in the end.  I just hope that I figure things out and am on the right path!

Babies

No, I am not pregnant.  And truth, I'm not sure when that day will come.  We've talked about it, and I wanted it so much sooner.  I was all about it.  Yet, now, I'm not so much.  We are both so very involved with work, and we don't even really get to spend time together as it is.  Working 50+ hours a week just doesn't work with having children as I don't think we could get a babysitter for that long.  I think I would need a lot of money and a nanny for that to happen as I know neither one of us will be quitting the job.

It's just interesting how one minute I was all about it, and now, I just hope I'm ready before my body gives out.

CRAZY!

Okay - I am totally crazy!  I just signed up as a Mary Kay consultant again.  This time it's different as I mainly did it for personal use, but hey, if you need anything, let me know.  I can always gather orders together so that I can get what you need.  :)

Life is staying very busy with me working close to 50 hours a week right now and then trying to have time with Brandon and family.  I'm enjoying it though.  I even almost got another job, but we are having to wait on that one.  When it comes around, I will let you know as that will add about 20 hours to my work week.  YIKES!  But, I know I'll love it!!!

Everything else is good.  I should be asleep, but I am washing clothes so that I can pack tomorrow for training in Granbury with my mini-van!  Yes, that is correct, I have a mini-van as a rental.

Hope everyone is good!!

Input Needed

Okay, I need some input/suggestions.  No, I am not pregnant nor will I give away when we are going to start trying as I don't anyone know that we are pregnant till after the first trimester.  Brandon says that will not happen, but I would like to really try to stick with that as those first few months are not easy.

Now on to my request... what do you feel are some of the best things to do to prepare for conceiving, and how early should you start?  I want to make sure that I am ready, and that my body is as prepared as it can be.

Thanks in advance!

Sunday

Today has been a really good day.  I attended Church for the first time in 6 weeks, and I'm glad I went.  No, I didn't get a whole lot out of the classes or anything, but I did get what was most important.  Getting there just in time, I was able to partake of the Sacrament.  That hit me more than it has in awhile, and it just clicked.  That is why I go, and it's the only reason why I should make sure I am there if nothing else.

Brandon and I spent some good quality time together and talked.  It was so nice to be able to have that moment!!  Marriage has been hard, very hard, and I hope it continues to get better.

Now it's time to just enjoy the last bit of the night alone as Brandon went to hang out with his best friend, and then get some sleep before my day off tomorrow.  However, I will be busy with tanning, some work items, working on a quilt with my mom, and cooking for the hubby.

Yay for a good day!

A New Start

I decided it was time to start a new blog.  There was nothing wrong with the old, but there just seemed to be things of the past that I don't want to hold onto.

Sometimes a fresh new start is just what is needed to move forward and to create that life you want to live.  I know that I have had several fresh new starts, and some were just new moments within a crazy life.

I am insecure; I am a wife; I am a woman.  My life isn't easy, and many times I have to do what I tell my employees... fake it till it becomes real.  I don't fake it because it's not me; I just fake it because it's not me in that moment.  Very few ever notice the difference, and I'm okay with that.  Very few even really know me, and many just pretend in hopes that they get something right.

Follow my journey that is known as life, and you may just get a glimpse into who Angela Louise Rushton is.  But a fair warning... you may not always like what you read, but it will be real.