Well, I get to go back to the lady doctor tomorrow, and I'm not excited. Now, this may seem a bit much so just note, I'm posting this more for me than anything else. I need to get my thoughts out about this.
My cycle has been HORRIBLE! I was going 43 days or so, and then it just started to get closer and closer. Okay, it didn't just shrink a little at a time. It went from 43 days to 17 days to 18 days to like 14 days. The closer it got to each other, the longer I was actually on my period. And now, I just finished up a 15 day period. Seriously, that's a really long time!
So I shared that with my doctor last week who obviously hasn't found anything wrong yet as she still did my typical lady doctor check and hasn't called me about anything. And then of course, we set up an appointment for an ultrasound and fasting lab work. I get to do those tomorrow morning.
What scares me the most right now is that I might be told I can't have children... that has always been my biggest fear. We have been trying for the past 6 months, and obviously, can't really plan for anything with my crazy body which doesn't go well with our crazy schedules.
It would just be really nice for things to go right, for once! It would be nice to get something I desire so much. I'm getting older, and well, it really just sucks that everyone around me is having children... even those who really don't need kids. Seriously, how is that fair or right?! But, I've learned that most things in my life never seem fair.
Brandon isn't worried, but he's not the one having to deal with all of this.
Angela...trust me, I completely understand! We tried for 9 months before I got pregnant, and we wouldn't have been able to do that without my doctor. Even then, it worked so much faster than it was supposed to...I mean, really, I could still be waiting for the medicine to kick in to even get my body right.
ReplyDeleteI know how frustrating, stressful, difficult, confusing, and unfair it seems. The good news is that you are so in tune with your body that you don't have to wait the whole year to go in and get checked out. I don't know what short cycles mean because mine were absent, but you are right - those are short/long...you know what I'm saying by that!
It's a hard thing to go through, but hopefully your doctor is able to figure it out. Then, y'all can all work together to know what's best for you. It's heartbreaking and scary, and I shed a lot of tears - I really think I cried every day until my BBT rose and stayed higher because then I had hope. Even during conference, when I usually feel so uplifted, I was just left feeling so down and I cried and cried and cried.
The biggest thing for me was learning that it's all in Heavenly Father's hands, and everything is on His timing. I know it's hard; it downright sucks, honestly. And it's so hard sometimes to understand His timing and His plans - we're left wondering why on many occasions.
I really hope everything is able to get figured out for you because it's so difficult to deal with. Remember, it's nothing you can control so don't beat yourself up over it. If you need to vent, write me a message.