Stuck

Have you ever just felt stuck?  Have you ever felt like life wasn't bad, but it really wasn't all that great either? Yea, I'm so there!

I'm married.  I have a home.  I have my own car.  I have a job.  I have clothes on my back and food in my stomach.  I have my dog and cat.  I have family near by.  I have great friends.  I have the gospel.  I have a complete body.

Now, for many, those things would be great.  Yet for me, I just feel stuck with it all.  Let's look at it again which where my brain is...

I'm married. But yet I feel as if I'm not really married.  We do not believe the same things or want the same things.  It's not how I EVER imagined marriage would be.  I have a home.  My home is small with no real space.  It is a townhouse, and there have been so many different issues with our HOA.  I have my own car.  Minus having to pay for the ever increasing gas and such, there's really nothing wrong with my Toyota Corolla S.  Well... I'm kind of behind on having my car registered.  Oops!  I have a job.  Oh, I so love my job!  I love working for maurices, but at the same time, I feel like I'm doing a horrible job.  I feel like I could be a better manager and doing so much more.  Yet, I just don't know what.  I have clothes on my back and food in my stomach.  These things are what seem to be what I go to for happiness or just to fill up space.  I LOVE clothes!  I even enjoy food.  However, I hate cooking and cleaning.  Maybe I just don't like having to cook for my husband, or maybe I just don't like it at all.  I have my dog and cat.  They are fabulous!  A bit clingy at times, but they are pretty good.  Minus the allergies with the cat, she's good.  Lexie has always just been my baby.  She turns 6 years old tomorrow!  I have family near by.  My parents live about 30 minutes away from me, and I'm so glad they are close.  But I hate that I don't really get to spend much time with them.  They are so special to me.  I have my in-laws only a few minutes away as well, but it's just not the same.  I hate that my brother and sister-in-law are in NY as I would really love to have that relationship grow.  I have two nephews on Brandon's side, but I don't really get to see them.  I have great friends.  I really do have amazing friends, but yet, none of them live near me!  It's so frustrating as I then get stuck at home, and some of them, I don't really ever get to talk to unless I am home alone.  I wish I had friends here that I could spend time with and not really envy their lives... just being honest!  I have the gospel.  Oh how amazing it is, and oh how stupid I was to ever let it go!  This is probably what hurts the most as there are things I so deeply desire, and a few of them I don't know if I'll ever have in my current situation.  I have a complete body.  I don't have any major problems which is great, but oh how blah I feel.  I am carrying more stress, I'm carrying more weight, and it's just frustrating.  I just started taking dance, and I am so excited to be back in a ballet class!  This I hope will help out with so much.

I just feel stuck here in Nacogdoches, and it's not where I want to be.  It's not where my heart is, and that's so hard.  I'm trying to make the best of it, and I'm trying to see the good.  So much of me just feels like something should be different.  Often times I think I should start my own business and I know exactly what I want to do, but I don't think I would really have the support.  So much of me feels like I should be out of Nacogdoches, but I can't really go anywhere else.  So much of me feels like to have the things I want in the gospel means that other things will have to leave.  What do you do?  What do you put first... your happiness or just holding to things that are a part of your life?  How do you find that happiness again?